Who Needs Writers?

The discovery came about quite by accident - kind of like the guy who accidentally put a few kernels of dried corn in the microwave and - voila! - popcorn.

I was using voice-recognition software to transcribe an interview, stepped away from the computer for a few minutes and returned to find I'd left the microphone on, free to record the TV show I wasn't watching while I worked.

If you must know, the TV show was a "Mystery Woman" movie on the Hallmark Channel, which goes to show you that "57 Channels and Nothin' On" is more than just a Springsteen song.

READY FOR HER CLOSE-UP

If you must know, the "Mystery Woman" series is a Kelli Martin vehicle, the heretofore lack of which, as far as I can tell, was a gaping void apparent only to Ms. Martin, her people and the leisure suits at the Hallmark Channel. (Memo to the leisure suits at the Hallmark Channel: the next time Ms. Martin needs a vehicle, get her a Prius. It's way cheaper, and you can easily transport the entire viewership of the "Mystery Woman" series.)

But I digress. After my interlude, I came back to the computer to find that the voice-recognition software had faithfully recorded what it heard on television:

Her have her to have her have her and her have her have her have her and her have her have her have her have to have her have her have her have her have her have her her have her her her have her her her have her in her have her have her have her her have her have her have her have her have her have her have her have her have her have her have her have her have her have her have her have her her have her have her have her have her have her her her her her her and her her her her have her her her her her have her head and have her have her hair have her have her have her have her have her have her have her her have her have her have her have her have her have her have her have her have her have her have her have her and her have her have her have her have her have her when her have her where have I have her have her have her have her have her in her have her have her her her have her have her have her her her have her have her her her her have her and her have her have her her have her have her have her and her have her have her her have her here have her have her have her have her her have her have her have her have her have her her have her have her have her have her have her have her have her have her why have her have her have her her have her have her have her have her have her have her have her have let her have her her have her have her where her have now have her have her have her her have her have her her have her have her her have her have her have her have her have her have her have her her have her have her have her have her have her to have her to have her have her have her have her have her have her and her have her have her have her have her have her have ...

Okay, so it needs a little work. Maybe a slightly larger vocabulary. Maybe a bit more character development. But it's a start. And already worthy of, say, Nora Roberts.

I'm thinking about inviting Ms. Martin, her people in tow, over to train the voice-recognition software to record her lines more faithfully.

On second thought, what "Mystery Woman" screenplay could possibly match the raw power of "Have her have her to have her"?

Say what you will, I'm going to cash in big-time when the writers go on strike again.